By Rabbi Michael S. Beals, aka “The Love Doctor,” Rabbi at Temple Beth El
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It is possible I am on halachic thin ice here. Valentine’s Day is officially a saint’s day. Centers of Jewish education, like day schools and Sunday schools, can’t really celebrate the day with their students. But growing up in public school, I always looked forward to getting and giving Valentine’s Day cards on February 14th, especially with those cute heart-shaped Smarties with the cryptic messages and Hershey’s kisses for our real special friends. It seems a shame for our kids in Jewish educational settings or our adults at Shabbat synagogue services that happened to fall on February 14th—like this year—to be denied such simple pleasures.
So, who was this Saint Valentine, anyway? One legend holds that he was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men—his source for potential soldiers. Valentine defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that Valentine be put to death, circa 270 CE.
Because of this story, Pope Gelasius declared February 14th “St. Valentine’s Day” around 498 C.E. There is also a thought that the church chose this day because they wanted to make the pagan “Lupercalia Festival” more in keeping with the values of Christianity. Coming from a pagan tradition, early adherents to Christianity would have fond connections with the Lupercalia festival. This was the time when young bachelors of Rome would choose a name from an urn containing all the eligible Roman women, and they would then be paired for the year. After a year of fun, the couples were free to go their separate ways—certainly not in keeping with the values of the early Church. And this is precisely why the Church may have chosen to replace this pagan festival with the more appropriate St. Valentine’s Day.
The Talmud, a 6th century collection of Jewish law and legend, describes a day of love in the Jewish religion that precedes Valentine’s Day by perhaps as much as 1,700 years. Tu B’Av, the 15th of the Hebrew month of Av, served as a matchmaking day for unmarried people in the second Temple period (before the fall of Jerusalem in 70 C.E.). The first mention of this holiday appears in the 3rd century Mishna, an early collection of Jewish laws from which the Talmud is derived.
One of the early sages in this text, Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel, is quoted as saying, “There were no better days for the people of Israel than the Fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur, since on these days the daughters of Israel go out in white and dance in the vineyards. What were they saying? ‘Young man, consider who you choose (to be your wife)’ . . .”
The Talmud digs even deeper into history for the origins of the 15th of Av. It explains that this was the day, in Biblical times, when the men from the various tribes of Israel were permitted to marry women from other tribes. Who knew that Biblical tribal intermarriage was a problem?
It should be noted that, like several other Jewish holidays—including Passover, Sukkot (The Feast of Tabernacles), and Tu B’Shvat (the New Year of the Trees)—Tu B’Av also begins on the night between the 14th and 15th day of the Hebrew lunar month. This is when the moon is full. It is not such a jump between the arrival of a full moon and a time associated with romance, love, and fertility. However, all Talmudic references aside, for 19 centuries—between the destruction of the Temple and the establishment of the State of Israel in 1948—there have been no Tu B’Av commemorations, except for the skipping of the mournful Tahanun prayers on this day.
But, here’s the real problem. Tu B’Av, the Jewish festival of love, falls sometime in August. School is not in session. So, there is no way of teaching this holiday to our Jewish children. But February 14th is always in the middle of the school session. To me, it seems pretty silly for Jewish day schools and afternoon Hebrew schools to totally ignore the 800-pound Valentine gorilla sitting in the classroom—especially with all that Hallmark and candy-makers’ pressure being brought to bear.
How might a creative Jewish educator approach February 14th today? As part of a well-rounded Israel studies curriculum, we could tell our children that the commercial powers in Israel have declared February 14th “Yom Ahava,” the Day of Love, and we could bring in Hebrew-language Hallmark cards to show how Israelis celebrate this holiday today.
But I believe the best place to begin a Biblical exploration of romantic love would be with the story of Jacob. He is the only person in either the Jewish bible or the Christian New Testament, and perhaps the Koran
(although I am only guessing) who fell in love with a woman at first sight and kissed her. The lucky woman was Rachel. The power of that love is described in the Midrash, a third century collection of rabbinic parables and commentary based on the Torah.
The Midrash states that Jacob’s love for Rachel was so strong that the seven years he was forced to work for her hand in marriage seemed to pass in what felt like the blink of an eye. From Jacob, we might explore other Biblical love scenes, like the one between Moses and Tsipora. In that story, Moses, on the run from Pharoah’s Egypt, comes upon Tsipora and her six sisters at the well, being bullied by shepherds. Moses takes all the menacing shepherds on, is victorious, and ends up with Tsipora’s hand in marriage. Now this is the stuff of romance. Who needs Hallmark?
And, if its real romantic love poetry that you are after, look no further than the Bible’s “Shir Ha Shirim,” The Song of Songs, attributed to a young King Solomon. He writes, “Arise my darling, my fair one, and come away, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, your face is lovely. Ani l’dodi v’doi li—I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine. He feeds among the lilies.”
What study of Jewish love literature would be complete without including poems from the “Golden Age of Spain,” particularly the 11th century love poetry of Shmuel Ha Nagid and Yehuda Ha Levi. These poets, writing side by side with their Muslim counterparts, wrote religious poetry as easily as poems praising wine, women, and song.
And speaking of religious poetry, the Friday night Sabbath liturgy of Kabbalat Shabbat, composed in the Galilee in the 17th century includes much love poetry, centering on the Jewish people’s relationship with God and with the Sabbath Queen. The most famous prayers in this genre are L’cha Dodi and Yedid Nefesh, with its suggestive poetry: “Hi-ga-lay na u’fros, cha-viv, ah-lie et su-kat sh’-lo-makh—Reveal Yourself, Beloved, for all the world to see, and shelter me in peace beneath your canopy. Ma-hair, a-hoov, ki va mo-ayd, v’cha-nay-nee kee-may olam—The time, my Love, is now; rush, be quick be bold. Let your favor grace me, in the spirit of days of old.”
In the prayers and biblical passages surrounding the core prayer in our liturgy, the Shema, with its clear declaration of the Oneness of God, we first declare God’s love for us with the Ahava Raba prayer, and then declare our love for God in the biblical V’Ahavta passage. Taken as a whole, the key word is Ahava, Hebrew for love. And, be it between God and people or between two individuals, Judaism celebrates the reciprocity and sanctity of love.
On Saturday, February 14th, I want to create every reason possible for any Jew looking for the best, out-of-the-box Valentine’s Day Date experience to consider joining me at Temple Beth El, at 301 Possum Park Rd., Newark, from 10 AM–12 PM.
I will be armed with chocolates, red roses, and Valentine’s
Day-inspired food for kiddush lunch following services. I will overemphasize every piece of liturgy we cover that mentions love. My sermon will be filled with Jewish love literature.
I can think of no better time to study these texts of love found in our bible and in our liturgy. Wishing you love—between you and God, between you and your dear ones—today, on February 14th, and on every day! And, if your heart so moves you, see you at Temple Beth El in Newark, for flowers, chocolates, Valentine’s Day-inspired food . . . And remember to wear red!
